It’s important to remember that self-care isn’t selfish and also that our children learn from us, so it’s important to set a good example of looking after ourselves. As the saying goes: “You can’t pour from an empty cup”, but sometimes as a parent it feels impossible to find the time, space or energy for self-care.
Parenting is a rewarding experience but it can also wear us down, tire us out and place demands on us we never imagined. Being a parent is demanding, from sleepless nights and school runs, which alongside demands from our workplaces and responsibilities round the house, can feel like a lot… sometimes too much. It can be very hard to find time for ourselves when other responsibilities usually take priority.
What does self-care look like for parents?
While self-care may at some point have been thought of as bubble baths and spa days, it is far from that, although they can be nice! Self-care for parents is about finding ways to resource yourself by replenishing our physical, mental and emotional energy. Self-care for anyone is about paying attention to your needs by regularly checking in with yourself about how you’re doing and what you need. Self-care for parents might include rest, connection, nourishment, movement and boundaries.
Self-care might feel overwhelming but it doesn’t have to take hours, which might feel impossible in a busy parenting schedule. It could look like taking some deep breaths before responding to your child or taking five minutes outside for fresh air after bedtime.
Why parents deserve self-care
Parenting is a full-time job and we can often end up putting everyone else’s needs before our own. But we matter too! If we are under-resourced we might end up being snappy or easily irritable, we might resent others, we might struggle to enjoy things or lose patience easily with members of our family. We might feel guilty about taking time for ourselves, but honestly, we deserve it.
Running on empty can make life feel overwhelming. Taking time to recharge, even in small, manageable pockets, can really change things, and make our lives and our family’s lives happier. And as mentioned before, modelling these healthy habits to our children teaches them that everyone, including their parents, deserve care.
Self-care ideas for parents
Small consistent steps to protect our basic needs can really start to make a difference if we’re feeling depleted.
- Get enough sleep. This may be difficult if you have a baby or your child has sleep issues, but if it is something you can control, then try to go to bed, say half an hour earlier, and like you probably do for your child, limit screen-time and create a gentle and nurturing evening routine. If you have a baby or your child isn’t sleeping, take naps when you can and lean on your partner if you have one or support network to look after your baby or child while you catch up on a good night’s sleep. You know yourself best but try to aim for at least seven to eight hours of quality sleep a night. If you’re a light sleeper or have a snoring partner, it might be worth treating yourself to ear plugs, an eye mask or even a weighted blanket.
- Get enough movement. It’s amazing what a difference moving your body can make to your mental wellbeing. Check in with your body and move it in a way that feels joyful. Allow yourself a big stretch or a kitchen dance. If you can only steal pockets of time, try a brisk 10 minute walk outside to get some fresh air or do a 20-minute yoga or exercise class on YouTube. Movement is essential in boosting your mood, releasing tension or increasing energy. If you’re feeling sluggish or struggling with a challenging emotion, movement can really shift your energy.
- Nourish yourself. It’s so easy as a parent to get by on your toddler’s uneaten leftovers or lots of coffee, but you deserve to feel nourished as much as your child. Stock your fridge with easy go-tos like overnight oats, soups and chopped fruit. Hummus is a great slow-energy release option and sharing a meal at the same time as your child can be a bonding experience.
- Create calm. There are so many free meditation or breathwork resources on apps such as Insight Timer or free on YouTube for you to create pocket moments of calm. Maybe you get up earlier than your children and can really enjoy the first cup of coffee of the day, while doing some journaling. If you have younger kids, how can you create a mindful or calm moment once they have gone to bed. Instead of rushing to do chores, could you sit and listen to your favourite music, even just for five minutes.
- Connect with adults. As parents, we might find ourselves spending a lot of time with children, especially if we don’t have a partner. Parents with young babies can also often feel isolated. Reach out to trusted friends and family, schedule a coffee, walk or phone call with other parents. Look out for local parenting groups so you can meet people going through the same thing as you. Maybe you can find a hobby that is completely separate from your family life – joining a choir or a specific exercise class where you have time just for you.
- Ask for help. Don’t force yourself to run on empty. Parenting is hard! If you are struggling, reach out to friends, family, local groups or charities for support. If you have a partner, keep checking in with each other on how you can support each other’s self-care. Maybe you can take it in turns to take on responsibilities while the other one does something for themselves or rests. If things feel beyond your support network, reach out to your GP or a therapist for additional support. Parenting can bring up a lot about our own childhoods at different stages. There is no shame in getting extra support when we need it.
Support for parents in Jersey
There are many places supporting parents in Jersey. Here are just a handful.
- Parenting Support Service Jersey – practical and emotional help for local families.
Website: https://www.gov.je/Caring/ChildrenAndFamiliesHub/pages/parentingsupportservices.aspx - Mind Jersey – counselling, workshops, and peer support for mental wellbeing.
Website: https://www.mindjersey.org/ - The Listening Lounge – open access emotional support for adults, no referral needed.
Website: https://www.linc.je/listeninglounge
