No one can quite prepare you for becoming a new parent. You may have had babies and children in your life, heard stories from other parents, been to the classes and read all the books, but nothing prepares you for your reality. As you embark on a new journey as a new parent, it’s understandable you will need emotional support. Whatever you are experiencing, know that you are not alone and that help and emotional support is out there.
Emotional support for new parents is important and it is completely normal to experience all different emotions. New parents often experience emotions such as overwhelm, anxiety, doubt, isolation, and sometimes grief. There is also so much to learn about breast feeding or bottle feeding, changing nappies and baby sleep routines. It’s hard when our babies can’t tell us what they need and we have to try and learn their signs and language. Furthermore, most new parents are extremely sleep-deprived, which can make things feel a lot worse.
How to validate your emotions
Postnatal depression and anxiety or even PTSD from a traumatic birth are more common than you think. Normalising your feelings can help reduce guilt, shame and self-judgment. If you want to support a new parent, normalise their feelings.
Lightening the load
Sharing how you are feeling with people you feel able to trust including friends, family, a health visitor, midwife, doula or doctor, can help ease the burden you may be carrying. Don’t hold yourself back from reaching out to trusted professionals, including medical professionals or registered counsellors or therapists, support groups or charities. Sharing how you are feeling can help lift the weight, ease the load or unburden your stress. Trusted professionals and support workers may also be able to signpost you to help available to you or spot signs of something you may have missed and get you the right support.
Emotional support can help you maintain a sense of self beyond just being a parent and this is key for long-term wellbeing. But if things feel too much or too overwhelming right now, try to take things one step at a time and be kind to yourself.
Common emotional challenges for new parents
There is no doubt becoming a parent will have an impact on your emotions. Common experiences include loss of identity as you take on this huge role. Of course, you lose freedom and the reality of this may set in during the early weeks and months. Grief for what you have lost is normal. Many parents may feel guilty for this, especially if they have had a difficult journey to get a baby or have friends suffering infertility for example, but it’s important to allow your feelings, so they can move through you.
Sleep deprivation and exhaustion is common. Suddenly a small delicate being is depending on you. Chronic tiredness lowers our resilience and can impact mood or make every day tasks harder. We might then snap at those around us.
Anxiety and guilt are common too. Worrying about whether you are a good enough parent is completely normal. Parental guilt is widespread and not always spoken about. It’s hard being responsible for new life and wondering about stages of their development. From experience, babies develop at all different paces and if you have serious concerns then you can turn to medical professionals for support and reassurance.
It is also normal to feel lonely and isolated, especially if you are raising a child on your own. Having a baby may mean you are at home a lot, looking after a baby and have no one to talk to. Low mood might mean you feel alone even when surrounded by people because no one is meeting you in that experience. Try to surround yourself with people who do understand you and lift your mood.
If you are in a relationship, it is common for the arrival of a baby or babies to impact and put a strain on your relationship. For example, looking after the baby mean you relate in a more transactional way and unmet needs may lead to resentment and miscommunications to arguments. Having a baby may also lead to financial strain and logistical stress.
Mental health issues such as postpartum depression (for women and men), severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts are also more common than you think. You are not alone and help is available.
How to build your own emotional support
Ask for help: Try and be specific rather than telling everyone you are fine. If people ask you to let them know what they can do, then tell them. Maybe rather than gifts for the baby, you would like to come and hold the baby for a couple of hours while you have a nap and try to catch up on sleep, or bring round dinner.
If you are the friend of a new parent, offer practical support, such as holding a clingy baby so the mum can eat dinner or do something for herself around the house, maybe she is overwhelmed by the housework so you could do that. Remember not to stay too long unless the new parents want you too. Being a new parent is tiring.
If you have a partner or co-parent, keep checking in with each other, every just for 10 minutes a day. Sometimes we just need to feel heard. Some topics you might like to cover include expectations, fears, sleep, division of labour and emotional needs.
Self Care Basics for new parents
According to the NCT (https://www.nct.org.uk/), sleep when the baby sleeps (as much as possible).
Nutrition and hydration.
Fresh air and light exercise, even short walks.
Moments of “you” time: reading, showering, short breaks.
Limit comparisons (Instagram, perfect mum narratives).
Mindfulness, journaling or mental health apps can help track mood changes.
Connect with other parents and support groups
Joining a parent and baby group, breastfeeding cafe or online support forum helps you realise you’re not alone. Shared stories, friendships, and normalising challenges make a difference.
In Jersey, here are some places new parents can get emotional support:
Baby Steps (Jersey)
A charity providing expert prenatal and parental care https://www.fnhc.org.je/how-we-can-help/children-young-people-families/baby-steps/
FNHC Health Visiting Service
https://www.fnhc.org.je/how-we-can-help/children-young-people-families/health-visitor
Baby Basics Jersey
https://baby-basics.org.uk/centre/jersey
Support for struggling families
Brighter Futures (Jersey)
https://www.brighterfutures.org.je
Local charity supporting families
https://www.brighterfutures.org.je
NSPCC Jersey / The Gower Centre
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/jersey
Jersey branch of national charity providing advice
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/jersey
Parent Carer Forum Jersey
Support and advocacy for parents of children with special needs
Mental health charities
Mind Jersey
You are not alone
Remember you are not alone. Speak to friends and family, find other new parent friends or ask friends who have had their own children for support. Speak to your health visitor or GP if you are concerned and you may be eligible for talking therapies. Remember you can turn to the charities above for support.
